


Kelley's Way Back

by ItascaFan



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-12
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-01 19:30:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6533491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItascaFan/pseuds/ItascaFan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a short story with an original character, Hailey, Kelley's twin sister.<br/>A death happens in the family and Kelley struggles to cope. </p><p>Will she find her way back?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Finding Out

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comments and let me know if I should continue! Please and thank you!

Kelley O’Hara sits on the beach gazing out at the radiant sunset sparkling the ocean waves wondering if this, is all there is to life, the constant push and pull of things that a person has no control over. She wants to run in to it as far as possible, that maybe letting go could be the answer to her questions. But she struggles with not wanting to add to the pain that is already there. She just doesn’t know how to handle this hurt. She knows she can’t go in the water because if she does, she might not ever come back out. But there’s nothing to keep her on dry land. At least in this moment, in her head, nothing is important to her, she feels the most lost that she has ever felt in her entire life. 

\--

The O’Hara twins were the epitome of ‘California surfer chicks’. They had the laid back attitude, always wore tank tops and loved life. Everything was great for them and even better when they were together. The twins were said to have an unspoken connection, like ESP, they always knew what the other one wanted to do or could calm each other down easily. They were each others yin and yang. Their passion besides surfing, long-boarding, and California chic, was the game of soccer. They complimented each other on the field perfectly. Their give and go was world class resulting in many game winning combinations that other schools didn’t know how to defend against. Every game the twins were highly sought after, they were tackled hard by players hoping to take them out. They had negative things said to them. But they didn’t let that get to them. They thought only petty mean players do such things and that showed how they lived life. Always running forward, not stopping until they accomplished something. They did that everyday of their life for 26 years. But now, now all that came to a screeching halt. 

\--

Just this morning, Kelley was informed that her best friend in life and womb-mate, Hailey, had been killed by a drunk driver. She had been long-boarding along the streets of Los Angeles when the driver blew the sign and smacked her from behind causing her to go flying into a busy intersection. She was killed instantly and the destruction to her body was indescribable, hellatious, and unbelievable. 

\--

“KELLEY! KELLEY – STOP! PLEASE!!” Kelley flinched at the urgency and petrified sound of Hope’s voice, like she wasn’t sure how to approach her, as if she’s going to shatter. Kelley had taken off further down the beach as soon as she recognized Hope walking towards her. She wasn’t ready to face anyone yet, although she was thankful for the several hours she’d been able to hide from them. She sighed and decided perhaps she could use Hope. But then again all she wanted was privacy and she could tell she wasn’t going to be given that privacy. A bunch of women were following yards behind Hope trying to catch up to them. 

Kelley slowed and stood stock still. Hope approached her and Kelley could feel her ‘tough shell’ exterior coming undone. Hope could see all the emotions flickering across Kelley’s face so she spoke softly to her, “Kelley? What can I do?” Kelley didn’t speak – her eyes filled with tears, again, and she let out an almost animalistic wail as she clutched on to Hope and fell to the sand. Hope eased her down and pulled Kelley in between her legs and hugged her tightly trying to will strength and security to the younger women. Kelley kept sobbing and crying, she didn’t think she would ever stop – the pain too severe. Hope held on and rubbed her back and whispered calm soothing words, not sure if any were getting through or even if everything will ever be all right again. 

How does a person power back from losing a sibling, a sister, and worse yet, a twin. Hope knew and had seen the special bond that comes with being a twin. She loved to watch Megan and Rachel interact, it had always fascinated her. They were each other halves and how could she help Kelley feel whole if her other half is gone? 

Hope heard some commotion behind her and turned to see half the team had rushed out after Kelley as well, all feeling the wanting or needing to help her if they could. Hope nodded and the team surrounded them – just sitting and showing their support. Hope continued to hold Kelley as she cried a little harder at seeing all the love and emotions from her teammates and then she felt her body couldn’t take it anymore, from the hard practices of the week, to lack of eating all day long with the stress of finding out about Hailey. The severe exhaustion setting in from crying so hard, for so long as well as the lack of water made her dehydrated. Kelley looked up from Hope’s chest about to say something when she passed out, her body going limp in Hope’s arms.


	2. Finding out Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who tells Kelley? How does the team take it?

“Kelley!” All the girls shouted. Fear evident in there eyes now. Hope stood up quickly with Kelley in her arms, “Help me carry her, Carli go get a cab – we can’t carry her all the way back to the hotel.” Carli hailed three taxis and they all piled in telling the drivers to go back to the hotel. Carli also called Jill and explained that they had found her, but she passed out and to have the trainers out to assess her in case she needed to go to the hospital. 

When they pulled up the training staff rushed out relief and worry evident on their faces. They leaned into the car and checked her pulse and a few other things before saying she should be fine in a room and that they’ll set up with an IV to be sure. One of the taller trainers pulled Kelley out and held her small frame to his chest easily to discreetly get her inside the hotel and up to the training room and all settled in. It went quickly and now the rest of the team wandered off back to the dining hall as it was supper time. They had all left once Hope received a text that Kelley might be at the beach. The team sat and ate in stunned silence. No one quite ready to discuss everything that had transpired since they found out. 

Dawn looked up and saw Hope, Alex, and Tobin still in the room surrounding the bed. She smiled then softly said, “Its ok she passed out. It’s her body’s way of telling her she needs to slow down and rest up. Hopefully she’ll get some rest and her mind will process everything that has happened. Its going to be hard girls, we all know Kelley is emotional. I just can’t imagine…” The three looked at Dawn with tear streaked cheeks as Dawn’s cheeks began to mirror theirs. Just seeing their teammate this way made them feel hopeless, perhaps a small inkling into how Kelley was feeling. 

Jill looked at Kelley all settled into the bed, the young defender seemed peaceful, like at this moment she didn’t know that her sister had died, and she didn’t have to worry about it. Jill was happy she was getting a small reprieve before the dam opened up again. She shivered at how just hours earlier Kelley had been telling jokes at the team lunch and her infectious laugh spreading around to all the tables. 

\--

Then Aaron came up to her urgently and said he needed to speak to her immediately. They left the conference/dining room and when he told her she was floored. She had known Hailey personally as well, hell they all did. Hailey had been on the national team for a few years right with Kelley when that horrific game against the Dominic Republic happened. A player had ruthlessly taken out Ali Krieger before the half and Ali had had a completely blown out knee. That same player aggressively went after Hailey and brought her down hard later in the second half her foot catching the turf forcing her leg to twist at a grotesque angle. Hailey had broken her shin bone, or tibia, as well as tearing the connecting knee muscles, ACL, MCL and meniscus. All that damage made it impossible for Hailey to get back up to national team level. But they gave her a game after the Olympic Victory tour to retire at. The club felt it was fitting. That day was really special for the O’Hara friends and families. 

\--

“Jill? Jill? JILL?!” Heif said loudly pulling Jill from her daydream. “What are we/you going to do?” He was beside himself. He had never had to deliver this kind of news before. When his cell phone rang it was usually media outlets, players, staff member, but rarely a player’s parent. Kelley’s parents could barely get the words out over the phone. He got the gist of everything though. They hadn’t been able to reach Kelley on her phone since she was in training all morning, and the coaches didn’t pick up because they make it a rule not to be bothered during practice. He learned that Hailey had actually been killed the evening before. She was in her athletic clothes and didn’t have an ID on her; her only thing was the cell phone which wasn’t discovered until late early the next morning when the police brought her things that were recovered from the scene. The nurses couldn’t figure out how to get it working then discovered it had lost battery. After charging it up and having a tech savvy nurse look at it, a text had come through so he opened it and went to her contacts where there were ICE (In Case of Emergency) members listed, so her parents were then given the news at nine am the next morning. Meanwhile Kelley was at practice and they couldn’t reach her. 

Heif looked at Jill as she processed the news, her eyes filling with tears and a few dripped down her cheeks. She looked up at him, tongue between her teeth trying to stop the onslaught of tears, “Oh- right. Crap. Well, uh, let’s pull her aside after lunch with, um… Should she have a friend with her? Who’s her best friend? Tobin? No, I don’t know, how about just her and then we’ll get everyone else together, inform them, and someone will help comfort her. She’s going to need a steady rock right now.” Jill stayed out of the dining room and went up to her room and called the team’s psychologist to join her. She waited for Kelley to join them.

Heif walked back into the dining room and could feel several pairs of eyes on him. He knew he was being paranoid, but it bothered him that he would be delivering this sad news. He spoke to the assistant coach and told him to have Kelley go meet with Jill. After about ten more minutes and going over a few practice notes, Tony walked over to Kelley and told her to go meet with Jill. She looked up at him confused and slightly worried. She wondered to herself why was she being singled out? Was she being cut? No, she had been killing it at practice recently. All she wanted to do was take a nap, which is what they were normally allowed to do after a grueling morning session. 

Kelley pondered what she thought was everything under the sun while riding the elevator up, and she stepped out walking to Jill’s room she just had a sense of dread run through her. She knocked and heard the handle turn before seeing Jill’s face, she had a sad expression and motioned for Kelley to come in further and take a seat. Kelley started in, but stopped short when she saw the psychologist. “Um, Jill? What’s going on? Why does she need to be here?” Kelley always was on guard when she was required to speak with any psychologist or therapist. She had grown up in the culture that you don’t share your problems, that it’s a sign of weakness. So she bottled things up, rarely letting them escape, except with Hailey, then she was a never ending fountain of information. But she was forced to after the team wanted her to deal with not having the injured Hailey on the team, they felt her performance was being hindered and they needed their star left back at one hundred percent. 

Jill stated that it was okay that she was in there and that she just thought she could be of good support. When they all sat back down again, with Jill in a chair next to Kelley, she grabbed her hand in hers then began. She open and closed her mouth a few times not managing to find the words. Her eyes teared up and Kelley had dread spread throughout her body. Kelley listened as Jill was finally able to tell her that her twin sister, Hailey was killed in a traffic accident. And there’s an investigation into what happened. “Kelley, I’m so sorry. Your parents are on their way here, they should be here in a few hours. You can stay here or your room. Do you need anything?” The therapist piped in with, “Can we get you anything?” 

Kelley who had listened as Jill rambled on struggled to put things together. Her mind was racing with hundreds of thoughts and questions. Sure she hadn’t heard from Hailey since the previous afternoon, but that wasn’t terribly unusual. Well for them it was, they would text, call, facetime at least three times daily. All of them saying it wasn’t so. At their questions, Kelley snapped her head up, “get me anything? You just told me my sisters… that she……gone, like a fucking traffic report! Do I need anything!? Hell yes! I NEED MY SISTER!” She was shouting now. Her mind was racing and she was starting to get frantic, mumbling out short questions to no one in particular. “How? Why? Its not possible. But we were gonna… Why didn’t she tell me? I don’t… Why?” 

Jill and the psychologist flinched at the volume and Kelley’s use of profanity, it was unlike the defender. “I can’t, I need….” And with that, Kelley was out the door sprinting to her room to grab her phone and call Hailey herself. To be told that it was all a mistake, a really, really sick Halloween joke. 

\--

Heif walked in front of the rest of the team to address them all. “Ok, listen up! I have an announcement to make. I only want to go through this once. SO please, if I can have everyone’s attention.” The women were all sharing looks curious as to what could be going on. Many thought perhaps Kelley had done something to be cut, others had a bad feeling. Whenever the coaches pull a surprise meeting like this, something bad is about to come. It’s never a good surprise like a 24 hour vacation to Disney or something. Heif went on to explain the situation and audible gasps and “I don’t believe it” were heard throughout the ballroom. Several sniffles could be heard before tears went streaming down several of the players faces that had been on the team with both Kelley and Hailey and had gone through youth teams with her as well. The feeling was sorrowful and then slowly thoughts of Kelley started to trickle back into their minds. How could she handle this? Where was she? She definitely needed them, that wasn’t even a question. 

Cheney stood up and tried to go to Kelley to provide comfort but coaches stopped her saying that they should give her time and space to grieve with the psychologist. Cheney looked at the girls and they all knew that is not how Kelley operates. She’s a passionate person and shares those feeling with everyone. They did take another ten minutes or so and talk about what they had just learned. They were processing it slowly until the overwhelming need to find Kelley had them running for the coach’s room. They barged in to only find Jill and the psychologist having their own little therapy session. Jill got up and embraced the players in hugs. 

“Where’s Kelley?” Cheney asks. 

“Her room, I think.” Jill responded, “She uh, she didn’t take the news well. She ran out.” 

The women once again gave each other looks and had a silent conversation. They were kicking themselves for not leaving right away. They backed out of Jill’s room and made their way to Kelley’s. They prayed they would find her there. 

\--

Kelley pushed the hotel door open with a bang against the wall. She raced towards her unmade bed leaping onto it stretching out to grab her cell phone that was charging on the end table. She cursed herself for forgetting about it this morning. It had died on her after supper and then she enjoyed movie night in Alex’s room, then woke up late and didn’t think about her phone. 

The moment she unplugged it she saw a barrage of notifications and she instantly teared up. She had dozens of missed calls and text messages. Before clicking into any, she had the haunting feeling her world was being changed dramatically. She clicked on the call log first and saw missed calls from Momma – five times, Daddy-O – six times, Jerry – ten times, Erin multiple times and a missed call from Hailey?! What? 

She pushed her name and saw she had called around nine the previous evening, right during their final tactics meeting of the day. It was common for the twins to text or leave messages between them knowing the other was busy; it gave them a little nugget of good feels after seeing an unexpected text from each other. They were always keeping up their communication. Kelley then scrolled through the text messages. She saw several from her family saying to “call home now!!!”, or “where are you?”, “Kelley!????”, “call MOM and DAD ASAP!!” 

She had to stop scrolling because her vision was too blurry and couldn’t see the phone. A sob racked up her body and escaped her. She put her hands over her mouth to stop it. _“No, don’t you cry. This is not real. It can’t be. Hailey’s going to come and meet me later. That’s what we agreed on.”_ The twin sisters were meeting for supper with some of the team. They always loved to get together, reconnect and have a good time. Kelley looked all around her and felt the walls closing in, the air was too thick, the lights too bright. She had to get out, get away, right now. She scrambled from the bed and ran towards the door.

\--

Tobin, Alex and Lauren decided to go find Kelley. The team decided not to overwhelm her more by having every one of her teammates show up. They stepped off the elevator and walked towards Kelley’s room. 

“What are we going to say?” questioned Tobin. 

“I don’t think we have to say much, just be there to listen and comfort her.” Cheney reasoned with wisdom. Alex put the keycard in and slowly opened the door, “Kelley? Sweetie, are you here?” The trio looked around and saw Kelley’s bed in shambles, clothes everywhere, things scattered and on the dresser a photo of the O’Hara twins at the World Cup three years prior that had fresh tear stains on it. 

“Oh no, I think she’s running. She’s probably closing up, not sure how to handle this.” Cheney said. 

“Where’d she go? All she knows is this hotel.” Alex was beginning to panic.

\--

Cheney was right, Kelley had taken off from her room and down the six flights of stairs, and she couldn’t wait for the elevator. She opened the door to the lobby and ran towards the entrance doors that would let her escape to freedom, away from this terrible sad building. Tears streaming down her face, she avoided most people until she heard, “Kelley!” she turned the person who shouted her name. Her eyes caught Hope’s and she opened her mouth, but before a word left, she turned and sprinted out of the building. Hope turned to the other girls, “Let’s…” and they were off to go help their friend any way that they could. But damn was she fast, Hope had the women split up, searching coffee houses, libraries, before regrouping. After three hours, the coaches called them in, saying to give Kelley space and that they can’t neglect their own well-being. The players begrudgingly went back to the hotel. But none were thinking of anything other than where in the world is Kelley O’Hara?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do you think Kelley will cope with something like this? 
> 
> Thoughts or comments are appreciated! 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	3. Kelley Wakes Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to the present after Kelley had been found on the beach and brought to the hotel.

> _“The O’Hara twins are tearing up the soccer field demolishing any opponent coming at them. Hailey sends Kelley a beautiful pass which she takes, Ohh! She nutmegs her defender and blasts it passed the keeper! What a wonderful sequence the sisters put together. The USA is up 1-0.”_ An announcer states. Kelley tore off to celebrate the goal with her sister but she couldn’t find her among all her teammates trying to get in and hug her or pat her on the back. Finally she saw a form running away from the field and that confused Kelley. _Why is she leaving me?_ So she started running after her, sprinting as fast as she could, screaming her name…. 

Hope, Tobin and Alex were accompanying Kelley in the hotel training room. They were reminiscing about playing with Hailey, and how skilled she was. They loved having their dynamic duo and they wondered how their team would look if the pair had still been playing together. They talked about the funny antics Hailey would pull on Kelley. Everyone thought KO was a trickster, they hadn’t seen the pranks Hailey did. In fact many of the things Kelley did now was because she had already had it done to her. 

Conversation lulled as they watched her sleep, when they noticed she was becoming agitated. Her arms were jerking and feet flicking up and down. “Should we wake her?” asked Tobin. Kelley answered her with the loudest shrill scream they’ve ever heard, “HAILEY! HAILEY!” which could be heard throughout the halls, saddening any teammates who were struggling in their own rooms. Kelley woke up panicked, unsure of where she was, she hopped off the bed, her IV ripping out of her arm, the needle nicking something because blood began to shoot out of her arm. She didn’t notice though, the pain not worse than what she was going through.

Kelley turned towards the women in the room, her hair disheveled, blood shot eyes, voice raw from the crying and screaming, “I need to go, where’s Hailey? She was meeting me after practice today. Did I miss her?” She ran towards the door but Alex blocked it even though the sight of Kelley was scaring her, not to mention the blood dripping down her arm, onto her clothes and on the carpet. Kelley hissed at Alex and now Tobin as she tried to pull her shoulder back. Kelley shrugged off her advance. 

Hope approached Kelley slowly and put a cloth around her arm to soak up and stop the blood, Kelley didn’t even notice. In her soft voice, she quietly asked Kelley, “Honey, you were sleeping for a while and still seem groggy, do you want to sleep some more?” She took her hand in hers to try and ground her again, knowing anything could spook the defender. 

Kelley calmed in an instant and looked up at Hope strangely, _“I was? Did you call Hailey?......”_ Then her memory flashed back to her phone and all the missed messages and frantic pleas to call Mom and Dad. Her hours of sobbing on the beach shore, _“…….no, no, no, no, No, No, No, NO, NO, NO, NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”_

They could tell that realization hit Kelley, and hit her hard, again. The crazed fight had also seemed to leave her. Hope pulled her in for a tight hug and Tobin and Alex surrounded them with their arms as well. They didn’t want Kelley to bolt again. Kelley tried to struggle and push them off, but they only held on tighter, she attempted to keep fighting them but she was so tired. Hope guided them all down to the bed and laid Kelley down first then spooned her tightly from behind still not letting go. Kelley turned in Hope’s arms and hid her face into her chest, which muffled her sobbing. Tobin and Alex slipped in behind her; they didn’t want her to feel like anyone else was leaving her. They were all crying and saying/mumbling, “I know. I can’t believe it. We all love her.” These were in between Kelley’s cries of _“Hailey’s dead? Is it a mistake? But I love her. She wouldn’t leave me this way!”_ They all lay there slowly processing everything and Kelley was beginning to calm down a bit. Then there was a knock at the door.

Tobin got up to answer it and there was the rest of the O’Hara clan looking as somber and pale as Kelley. They rushed in and Kelley leaped up from Hope's arms to hug her family as they all started another round of tears and questions, and confusion and ramblings. Kelley’s family was happy one of their twins was alright but also hard because looking at Kelley was an instant reminder of Hailey. The trio of teammates realizing the family moment they were witnessing decided to let themselves out. They quietly said their condolences and said they’d be back later. 

Kelley reached out for Hope’s hand when she walked by and the look of desperation and need was so clear that Hope told the other two to go down and bring some food up. They all hadn’t really eaten in hours and figured the traveling O’Hara clan probably hadn’t been able to stomach anything in a while either. So Tobin and Alex left the family and Hope to cry, process and deal with how their family had just changed. 

\--

Outside of the room Tobin held Alex as they both let themselves have a moment when the full realization that they too had just lost a great friend. They stayed together a few minutes until Alex pulled back and grabbed Tobin’s hand to lead them to the team’s dining room. It was supper time now and when they stepped into the room, teammates immediately swarmed them all wanting to know how Kelley is doing. Tobin replied, “Not good, but as good as you can expect, I suppose. I mean, how are you supposed to handle that?” The team settles back to their tables pondering with one another about what could they do to help while Tobin and Alex began gathering the food that Hope had requested for the O’Hara family.


	4. Kelley's break down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We advance forward and see Kelley break down.

“Kelley?” her mom called out into the pitch black bedroom. After no response she peered her head in to see Kelley fast asleep clutching Hailey’s favorite stuffed animal, a huge Tweety Bird. Her mother took a moment observing her twinless daughter. She frowned scrunching her forehead together as she noticed how gaunt and hollow looking Kelley’s cheeks still looked. She wouldn’t eat, couldn’t make herself to. Only Hope could get her to get in a few spoonfuls of fortified porridge as Dawn called it and water a day. 

\--

Karen O’Hara was extremely grateful for Hope; she doesn’t want to think about where they could be without her. She let a tear slip as she thought about how far Kelley has come since they found out. They all had rushed to her that evening at the hotel, grateful to feel as whole as they could as a family unit. But soon thereafter the family found themselves unable to look at Kelley when speaking to her. She and Hailey looked so much alike that it hurt to look at her and know that they would never see their other twin again. They inadvertently shut her out when she needed her family the most. They had all gone together to identify and claim her body from the morgue, and Kelley was in charge of getting her outfit together for the funeral. With the family not looking at Kelley, she started to feel like she was losing her whole family too. To get rid of the stress she began working out excessively. And that didn’t mix well with her recent trend of not eating. Karen went to lie on the bed next to Kelley and pulled her in tightly. She stroked her hair and cried silently telling her how sorry she was, for everything. They stayed like that for a long time, both being comforted and getting good rest that had been absent for several weeks.

\--

The funeral came six weeks after Hailey’s death, allowing for unforeseen circumstances. The whole USWNT were in attendance as well as many old veterans of the team. They had decided to meet beforehand so they could catch up and get ‘in the know’ without making things awkward at the actual funeral. Many know how the family members truly don’t remember much from the day, just being overwhelmed at the immensity of emotions and people paying their respects. So they know Kelley won’t have as much time with them as they’d like. 

In a conference room down from the main area, members of the USWNT past and present are congregating discussing Hailey and the well-being of Kelley. Whispers and phrases and hushed comments are heard throughout. “She’s too thin.” Ashlyn Harris says. 

“Her eyes are lifeless….its haunting to me.” noted Christen Press. 

“Has she eaten today? Or in a while?” says Shannon Boxx. 

“Has anyone been watching her?” asked Rachel Buehler. 

“I doubt she’s been training, she’s going to lose her edge.” Carli Lloyd stated. 

Mittsy observed sadly, “Did you see how her family reacts to her? They can’t even look at her!” 

Hope had heard enough of everyone’s judgmental ‘observations’. “Cut it out, OK! She’s not handling it well. You’re right Heather, her family can’t even look at her without crying, she feels cut off from everyone and she says she doesn’t feel loved anymore! Her eyes are lifeless because she feels like she died too Christen. Carli, you’re wrong. The one and only thing she’s been consistent with is training. Far too much so, I believe. And Rachel, how dare you! Of course we’ve been watching her! What the hell kind of person do you think I am?” Hope stepped into Rachel’s personal space and yelled that last part. She was pissed her former defender would have the gall to say something like that. Especially after how hard Hope has tried with Kelley these past weeks. 

Hope glared at her teammates who supposedly had one another’s back through thick and thin. She wanted to bring them in to her world a little bit. Quieter this time, she continued, “She stopped eating after she found out. She put her body through hell working out non-stop. She stopped taking care of herself. We postponed the funeral until now because Kelley was in the hospital for almost two weeks getting pumped full of nutrients and getting stable, physically and mentally. She refused to allow the doctors to help; she would fling her dinner trays. Tear out her IV’s. It was horrible to watch but we, I, got her through.” Hope’s voice cracked and wavered at the end before continuing, “You don’t even know how hard it was to get her to show up today. Not that she didn’t want to see all of you, or others, but just not for this reason, plus she’s ashamed. That she’s let everyone down in her spiral. I will say this, one of the things that got her through, was you, her teammates.” 

Her teammates, current and former looked at the keeper in shock. They knew Kelley had been struggling but for her to stop eating and work out excessively, for her to let go like that. She was a professional athlete, she knew better than that. They couldn’t imagine pushing your body to the negative; they just weren’t built that way. 

Hope could see from the somber faces that were looking one another that many of the girls hadn’t known of Kelley’s breakdown and as she looked at Tobin’s and Alex’s face how perhaps a few were going through their own struggles. Many had lost a parent, grandparent, but not a sibling. 

Flashback  
_Hope had panicked. Kelley had been gone for hours. When she did come home she went straight to the shower and hadn’t been heard from in awhile. Hope went to check on her and found Kelley passed out in the shower, with blood dripped over her body. She frantically searched to see if she had cut herself, gasping in relief when she saw her bloody nose. But she knew that much blood probably wasn’t ok. She tried rousing Kelley awake, but nothing was working. After calling her mother and the nurse’s hotline, she called 911. Three days later and Kelley is still admitted, Hope and Kelley’s mom went to visit.  
_

_“I don’t want to be here anymore!” Kelley yelled to Hope and her mother in her hospital room. Kelley’s mom responded, “I’m sorry honey, but until you eat, sleep and gain some weight, the doctors say they won’t release you. Do what they ask and you’ll be going home soon?” Kelley angrily scrunched up her face holding in the swear words she wanted to spew out, she grabbed her fork and stabbed a grape hard breaking the plastic fork in half. “Ah for fucks sake! What the hell am I going to do with a damn fork? You stupid people always worry! No one’s gonna die, they won’t let me! You can’t even pick a booger without them wondering what you’re shoving up your nose! Why don’t you get a life rather than watch me in mine! LEAVE ME ALONE!!” She grabbed her tray and whipped it at the door hitting the nurse who just happened to be walking in._

_Nurse Abby Lockhart had heard the screaming and thought perhaps a relaxer was needed. She tracked down her doctor, Dr. Carter and got the medicine. He was following the nurse in when he saw her get hit with the tray, “MALIK! We need you!” He shouted down the hall, gathering the attention of another nurse, who sprinted in to help. They backed Hope and Karen against the wall. Abby was trying to calm Kelley down from one side of the bed, even though Kelley had managed to throw a few more things, including her pillow, her blanket, water cup, tipped the tray over and then she began yanking on her tubes. Pulled out her IV, which spurted blood everywhere, she seemed to have a knack for doing that, another monitor line, and even her catheter, which sprayed urine around the room. She hopped up on the bed readying herself to make a get away._

_Dr. Carter tried, “Miss O’Hara, I understand you are upset. Would you be willing to calm down and talk with me? It would be…” He stopped his words as Kelley had pulled a remote off the medical equipment and flung it at the doctor causing his eyebrow to split open. “OK, Malik, now.” Kelley saw Malik coming and with her quick soccer skills she hurdled the large man and leaped from the bed. Unfortunately for her it was right into Nurse Lockhart’s arms who flipped her to the ground and straddled her until Dr. Carter injected the drug. Kelley continued to writhe and buck, punch and kick all while swearing obscenities until her eyes rolled back a little and she fell unconscious. The whole room took a collective breath._

_Nurses Malik and Abby lifted Kelley back up to the bed and cleaned her up before working on reinserting everything that had been pulled out. Dr. Carter turned toward a silently sobbing twosome. He kneeled down in front of them, “well, as bad as that seemed. That’s what we want to see. It’s good to see she has some fight. That being said, I think I’ll recommend her to psych to aid in her healing. Continue to be here for her, as hard as it is to hear from her, she really doesn’t want you leave. We are putting soft restraints on her; I can’t have her injuring any of my staff. Ok?”  
_

_Hope shook her head yes, she was caught in a funny place because while she was crying, all she wanted to do was bust out laughing. Once the nurses and doctor left she did, which startled Karen, until she too began to laugh._

_Neither of the women had seen Kelley behave like that. And then seeing the doctor get sprayed with urine, have a yellow stain all over his white coat, then his brow split and blood running down his face. Just comical. Like this wasn’t their life. Thankfully as far as outbursts went, that was the most severe. After two more days of not eating, making it a total of seven days no food, they put a feeding tube in her nose to aid in her nutrients. The next week she felt a bit better and tolerated some solids. The psych meetings were going well (ish) and all Kelley wanted to do was get out of there._   


End flashback.

A few of the women looked to Pinoe; Ali spoke up, “Megan? Have you talked to her? Has she reached out to you?” Megan looked up at the team with an extremely pained and apprehensive expression on her face as she remembered her last interaction with Kelley…

_…Kelley hadn’t answered any texts or calls she’d received for weeks. Megan called Hope to reach out and decided maybe a visit would be good. Megan could tell Hope was scared for the young defender and wanted anyone to help get through to her. So she met them at their home in Seattle. Megan didn’t know what to expect._

_When Pinoe walked in, she was met with a ferocious hug from Hope, which caught her off guard a little bit. They caught up a little bit. First things she noticed was how tired and sad Hope appeared as she spoke with her, and how quiet the home was, also how dark it was. It was early afternoon and you’d think it was midnight. She saw their curtains pulled, and any possible light turned off. She motioned to her surroundings and looked at Hope, “Uh, a little dark huh?” Hope just shrugged (she didn’t want to inform her teammate that Kelley had only been released from the hospital two days ago, after they had deemed her “fit to return to society”) and said, “Kelley likes it this way right now.” Then jerked her head towards the living room and then Megan finally saw how Kelley was._

_She saw Kelley sitting under a ton of blankets, nestled into the couch as far as she could go. She didn’t make a move to greet Pinoe or even give a flinch of acknowledgment. Megan walked into the room and was taken aback at Kelley’s appearance. Her face was ghostly, her eyes sunken, emotionless, lifeless. Megan was a little scared to look into her eyes. She decided to be her usual self and hoped to lighten up the mood. She greeted her and began talking about the usual topics, and how she was looking forward to the camp coming up for Algarve. Pinoe went on for a bit even mentioning how Rachel was preparing for their Rapinoe Soccer Camps. Kelley had had enough of it; she snapped and voiced her anger with the pixie blonde._

_“Why are you here? Did you want to throw your perfect life in my face and gloat that you still have a twin? Well aren’t you lucky! I’m Megan with the twin Rachel and we’re doing awesome twinly things like sharing a soccer camp.” Kelley mocked Megan with disdain in her voice. Megan stared at Kelley in shock, but Kelley wasn’t done. “Did you come here to hear my sob story? Think you can fix me because you’re a twin whisperer? Want to help me process this? Just because we both are twins you can tell me it’ll all be okay? Well guess what, it won’t be! I’ll never be the same so you guys can stop worrying and LEAVE ME ALONE!” Kelley was shrieking to Megan. Megan was in tears listening to her teammate. She knew things were bad and all but she didn’t think she’d get freaked out on._

_Kelley’s voiced softened, but her wide eyed crazy stare remained, “I don’t know how to face this world by myself. I have never been a singlet. What do I do? Who do I talk to? Who do I share my insecurities, my questions, my stupid jokes, my frustrations, my feelings for Hope? I don’t even know how I’m supposed to feel, because the one person I need isn’t here! I feel abandoned!! I feel smothered! I feel ashamed because I’ve disappointed all of you, those that are living and I feel I disappointed Hailey. I feel I’ve wronged her for proving to be weaker in her absence.”_

_From that outburst Kelley lost it in a new round of soul wracking sobs as she realized she had finally voiced most of her fears and thoughts. She couldn’t look at Megan or Hope at the moment so she buried her head into her pillow and sobbed. Everything she kept down and deep finally bubbling over after weeks of ignoring the doctors, her mother, Hope, everyone, even her own mind telling her she had to grieve, and that Hailey truly was dead. She had finally let the dam break._

_Megan slid down next to Kelley and wrapped her up putting her cheek on top of Kelley’s head. She relaxed when she felt Kelley melt into the embrace and accept it. She just held her; not whispering anything, then looked up at Hope and was surprised to see her expression. Hope had surprise, shock and most importantly relief all mixed in with the tears streaming down her face. She held her phone out to Pinoe indicating she was going to make a call, and then left the room. Pinoe was left to wonder, how in the hell could she help her poor defender and to get her back to feeling important again. She had had many discussions with Rachel about it and they hoped they knew how to fix their fellow sister-twin._

_All Megan did that day with her visit was hold Kelley for about two hours, telling her she was there for her, and however she could help, and offered her support, without pressuring her. It was all Kelley needed to hear. After that emotional outburst from her, Kelley had no more words to share. She stayed silent and closed off, just processing and then drifting off to sleep for hours as Megan just hugged her._

…. “Megan? Hey Peens? Pinoe?” Megan had been caught up in her flashback for quit some time. Tears were streaming down her face as she remembered the harsh words and the helpless feeling, as well as the relief that Kelley’s outburst meant to Hope, that she had finally processed what happened, that perhaps, that, was in fact, their first break in getting their Kelley back. The large group of teammates was becoming extremely concerned. The oldest veterans and retired players were silently communicating with their eyebrows that they needed to get together and get a plan going if they were going to save their team. Some big tournaments were coming up and they needed everyone focused, physically and mentally present. Right now all they saw was a broken down group of women that were scraping by. Something has to be done. 

Megan cleared her throat, wiped her face from the tears that fell and spoke, “its rough. She ugh, really didn’t want to see me. She had an outburst and it shocked me. But I’m not letting her feel alone. If she won’t let me in, then the least I can do is to continue to show up and be by her side, letting her know that I will always be there for whatever she needs.”

Hope added in, “Actually Megan being there that day set something off in Kelley that we had been waiting for, for weeks. Kel finally addressed those emotions that we hadn’t been able to pull from her. That moment, I knew we were starting our next chapter. That Kelley was going to be ok, even if it means time. It gave me hope. And to all of you, thank you, so much, for all the messages and things you’ve sent. I know Kelley will appreciate when she gets the chance. The O’Hara family and I thank you.”

At this point the entire room filled with about 30 members of the USWNT was crying. For most it was tears of relief at having worried about Kelley’s mental health, and her mindset in dealing with her twin’s death. For others it was for everything that they didn’t know and how useless they too, felt. For all it was a sign of unity that they would all be there for Kelley in any way that they could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments? Anything you'd like to see more of?


	5. The funeral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry I didn't get this out last weekend! I feel like such a turd! 
> 
> Feel free to leave a comment! As always thanks for reading :)

Hailey’s funeral went as well as funerals can go. The whole O’Hara clan was there. The soccer team was there. A bunch of Hailey’s old friends, from high school, college, old youth national teams and more were there. When everyone was seated, the O’Hara’s walked in each clutching a family member. Hope walked in with Kelley, and for many that was their first glimpse of the defender since she left the team hotel that dreadful day. Kelley had in fact lost some weight. Her muscles were ultra defined, her skin taught and tight. She certainly wasn’t the image of the spunky, fun loving brown haired gal they were used to until she gave them a small smile. 

\--  
Before the processional, Kelley pulled Hope aside into the women’s bathroom. “Uh, Hope?” 

“Yes my darling?” Hope answered pulling Kelley into her needing her as an anchor right now. 

Kelley splayed her hands flat against Hope’s back, and tucked her head under Hope’s chin, her favorite spot to be. “Um, I’m embarrassed. I don’t think I can go out there. Does everyone know, that I…that it’s my fault this wasn’t sooner?”

Hope hugged Kelley even tighter, “Oh honey, no one cares about that. All anyone cares about is how you and your entire family are doing. Losing anyone so young is a shock. They just want to be here for you. A few know yes, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that you are here now, that you are walking in by my side and that you are strong. Ok Kelley O’Hara? You are strong.”

Kelley pulled back and kissed Hope. It had been a long while since they’ve kissed with any real passion or emotion. This time it felt like home. Kelley had found her peace. “Okay, thank you. I guess I’m scared at seeing the girls. I…”

Hope smiled down at Kelley, “Kel, they are happy to be here supporting you. Do we wish it under different circumstances, hell yes. But they all love you! I’ll be here if at any time you feel overwhelmed. Don’t hide under it, you’ll be ok.” Kelley leaned up and kissed Hope’s jaw, then hugged her back tightly. “Hey Hope, I’m um sorry, for everything.” 

Hope shook her head, “Na uh, I don’t want to hear that. You’re allowed to grieve and feel however you do or did. Do I wish it hadn’t scared me so much, of course. But babe, we’re passed that. Let’s go and enjoy the love and memories of all the people that love your sister.” 

\--

Hope and Kelley were the fourth pair in line going down the aisle. As Kelley walked in she felt the hundreds of pair of eyes on her. Scanning her over, judging her from their seat, whispering, murmuring, the buzzing in Kelley’s ears was beginning to get to her, when she felt Hope’s hand squeeze hers tighter reminding her that she’s ok. Kelley lifted her eyes for the first time about half way down and locked eyes with Lauren Cheney, then Amy Rodriguez, Tobin Heath, Ali Krieger, Ashlyn Harris, Alex Morgan and many more members of her team, making her smile. She saw that in their eyes was nothing but love and support. Not the pity, or anger or frustration that she thought she would receive. Kelley’s heart swelled and she found herself stopping and grabbing Cheney in a fierce hug, both with tears running down their cheeks. As she hugged them each teammate said something to her that filled her heart and made her happy that she has these wonderful women in her corner. Hope stood by as Kelley slowly greeted several more members of the national team. Despite their worries, all were extremely grateful for this moment. 

Hope was happy that the O’Hara clan was huge so in the time it took for Kelley to hug the girls; the last of her family was taking their seats. Kelley whispered ‘I love you’ to her teammates then took Hope’s hand and led them to the front row. 

Hailey’s favorite songs were sung, verses were said. Old friends spoke, her grandfather, her parents, her sister and brother, then finally Kelley took to the podium. It was a moment many thought she shouldn’t, wouldn’t or couldn’t do. But Kelley felt willed and compelled to share about her sister. 

Kelley shakily grabbed the mic and pulled it lower. “Jeeze Jerry, why do you have to be so tall! Umm, thank you all for coming today. I know it’s been a bumpy road and all, not only for me, but my family as well since we learned of Hailey’s death.” 

Kelley gazed out at everyone catching Hope’s encouraging eyes, and the eyes of her teammates. She took a deep breath and let it out, trying to stall the tears filling her eyes. “Phew, …..it’s tragic, yes. It’s unbelievable, yes. It’s heartbreaking, double yes. It’s the kind of event that changes a person. Very few know of the special bond between twin sisters. Its hard to describe because not all twins are as close with each other, or as best friends claim they are “twinsies”, but I can assure you, no one else was as close as Hailey and I were, are. Gosh, that’s damn hard to say. Oops! Sorry Father.” The crowd chuckles which relaxes Kelley a little. 

Kelley eyes her notes a little before continuing, “I really didn’t know much, of what to say, I mean I could talk for hours about her and share endless stories, funny moments, sad moments, so many moments, but you’ve already heard plenty. Hailey lived her life with passion, to the fullest. She vowed to try something new everyday, all though I know she didn’t follow up on that one. But it was her genuine nature and thoughtfulness that made her so great. I couldn't just share one thing, so I compiled some of my favorite moments that were caught on tape with Hailey. Thanks to Hope and many friends and family who helped make this happen.”

> A montage began playing on church screen in front, scenes of the O’Hara twins when they were little competing over who biked on two-wheels first, swimming challenges. Clips of camping, when the two hung from hammocks and ate s’mores by the campfire. Their father’s voice could be heard in the next clip, “Hey girls. What are you doing?” 
> 
> The toddler twins were painting each other in mud from head to toe. Kelley answered, “Mud, yum!” and proceeded to put a large glob right down Hailey’s back. Hailey covered Kelley’s chest with mud stating, “It werm! We cold daddy!” Dan laughed at his daughter’s reasoning, “haha, you two. What is mommy going to think?” Both girls froze, eyes wide, turned toward him, everything about the twins mirroring each other, mud caked on their arms, legs, torsos and drops just oozing down and clumping off them. Together their whole face scrunched up and began crying and shaking their heads side to side, “Mummy be mad! No spankin!!” Hailey grabbed Kelley’s hand and they tromped their way around the yard, diapers sagging so low, their glowing little white butts could be seen clear as day. The clip ended with Dan roaring with laughter. That clip had the audience laughing as well, many crying at the cuteness. 
> 
> The next clips were of Hailey in soccer, earning accolades, many scenarios of Hailey setting up Kelley for the goal. Several clips of the family surfing, long boarding, and a few soccer clips in which USSoccer put together from all their Behind the Crest series. Any answer relating to family they pieced together. It was a beautiful montage and ended on a picture that Hailey and her family had taken together on the beach, their last one ever as a full family. They were all on the beach with a radiant sunset behind basking the ocean in beautiful colors. White shirts, tan khaki pants, and Birkenstocks for the girls, with the boys matching except barefoot. The congregation smiled as that photo stayed up the longest. Their eyes fixated on the one symbol the O’Hara twins tried to sneak into each and every photo, when together they would connect their hands in a heart. Even if they were separated when a photo took place, if they photo-shopped it, they would still connect the heart. It became their thing and they tried to do it everywhere. Kelley even included it into her goal celebration once Hailey couldn’t play. 

Kelley came back to the podium, her face wet with tears, turned towards Hailey’s picture and spoke to her directly, “All I know is that in every day that I continue living our life without you here, I know that you are an angel surfing those clouds watching me, protecting me, and guiding me to be the best that I can. I promise from here on out, that I will be the person you always wanted me to be, Hails. I love you!” Kelley stepped closer to the huge picture of Hailey next to her urn, then touched her heart, kissed her fingertips and placed her hand on Hailey’s. “Fly high Hails, don’t be afraid. I’ll see you again.” Kelley turned away and went down the few steps glancing at the people; there was not a dry eye in the place. Sniffling, crying, quiet sobs and blowing noses could be heard. She plopped herself down next to Hope, who pulled her in for a fierce hug and kiss to the temple. “I love you so much Kelley.” Kelley just nodded, the tears she mostly kept at bay now coming down. She feels a lightness she hasn’t felt in weeks.


	6. Kelley's Healing

The problem with a death in a person’s family is that after it happens they have to deal with all the comments, sayings, the fuddy duddy things that no one really means but always say to fill up the deadened awkward silence. Kelley was beginning to experience this first hand with hundreds of people saying they were there for her, but she wasn’t sure what they were implying. “They were here for me for what? To cry with me? To feel this pain? How can they? They don’t know me (referring to her twitter followers).” Kelley’s thoughts had been running several miles a minute the last month and she was exhausted. Her mindset was beginning to take her into dark and scary paths. She was terrified of herself and didn’t know how to stop it. 

After her family had shut her out she didn’t really know who she was anymore. All she knew was that she wanted Hailey back and that it wasn’t an option. She thought she saw her everywhere. She thought Hailey was at the grocery store helping her pick out the right lettuce and was talking to her only to have a store clerk come up and ask if she was ok. Her rational mind wasn’t with her. A month after Hailey died, Kelley wanted to feel something again. She tried to turn her behavior back to the upbeat person and coerce Hope into giving her sex. Hope resisted knowing Kelley didn’t want it for the right reasons but Kelley would whimper and whine, then beg please with tears and Hope gave in hoping that it would help at least a teensy bit. After Hope brought her to her high the crash back into the real world was consuming and the sadness would envelope her again. Hope needed to get Kelley to realize how they could get strong again, how she could get strong again. 

Four months later, Kelley felt she was getting control of her emotions, actions and herself again. Sure she had felt stronger since the funeral, but once in a while, more often than not, she had felt that depression and sadness surround her. She was hoping that getting back into her routine would help. She was scheduled to meet the national team for camp that night so she began browsing social media before heading to the airport for her flight to San Francisco. She was on twitter when something caught her eye. A message from a fan, _@kohara I understand the loss of your twin sister. YOU are not alone. This helped me get back to myself www.FB.com/twinlesstwins_ Kelley clicked the link and was amazed at what she found. She read countless stories of people who had lost their twins and had an immense amount of dread, loss, guilt and hope for being able to be happy again in a world they faced being “twinless”.

One of the first things that resonated with her was the statement, _You are not twinless. Being a twin can never be taken away from you. It is unique, it is special and even though half of you may no longer be physically present, you ARE a twin._

Kelley had survivor’s guilt, she thought that she had lost a huge part of her and was experiencing a death of her own as well. From this site she realized that even though Hailey wasn’t with her on this earth, everything about her still means she was a twin. That was a huge part of her identity. The stories people shared mirrored her feelings and she couldn’t get enough. After hours and hours of pouring over all of these peoples stories and interacting with a few. She felt she had found another community and family. She felt her spirits rising and finally decided that it was time she did something she forced her family to put off. She hopped in her car and began the long trek. 

\--

At the USWNT camp all the women started checking in and greeting one another. They were all excited as now their goal was to win the Olympics. Having the world cup slip through their fingers left a bad aftertaste and they needed some gold juice to make it better. After a few hours they all sat down to the first team dinner and intro meeting. Hope felt a hand clasp her shoulder; she looked up and saw Jill. She motioned to follow her. Once away Jill asked Hope if she knew where Kelley was. Hope shook her head, said she was supposed to take the flight from Seattle to San Fran early afternoon and should be here. Hope was texting as she spoke. 

Jill harrumphed, “Well if that’s the case, I’ll have some people look into the flights, see if hers was delayed. I won’t have this Hope. She needs to have her head in the game. Does she have it?” Hope looked at her confused, “Ugh, yes she has her head. She’s ready for camp Jill. We’ve been training and she’s looked herself again. She’s getting there, I promise. She’s actually been looking forward to this.” 

Hope went back to her table and Carli leaned over, “Hope, where’s Kelley? Is she coming later?” Hope sighed, “I don’t know. I knew it was a mistake to do this Nike event before camp, I really didn’t want to leave her.” Carli squeezed her shoulder, “She’ll be here then. What else would she do?” 

Hope withdrew and sat back. She began thinking about that question, what could Kelley do, a whole hell of a lot. Kelley had surprised Hope about a millions times over since her sister’s death. Her courage and strength to deal with the immediate aftermath to her spiral into self-destruction and recovery afterwards. Hope liked to know where she was at all times, she had been scared far too many times, but after they had discussed it, she knew it wasn’t part of a healthy relationship. Hope decided to give her a few hours and the benefit of the doubt before calling for help. 

\----

Kelly awoke to someone loudly banging on the apartment door and screaming her name. She was bleary eyed and exhausted as she tugged it open; she was met with a huge tattooed man hovering over her “OH THANK GOD KELLEY!! Are you okay? Why are you here?” He pulled her into his arms and hugged her hard. “Do you have any idea how much you scared the crap out of your teammates?!! Out of Hope!!” 

She looked up at the worried brown eyes boring into hers, “You know you and Ali have the same worry lines. Stop scrunching up your face Kyle. I’m fine.” She evenly replied and pulled away and walked further into Hailey’s apartment in LA. She poured them two cups of water then motioned to the couch to sit and talk. “So what are you doing here?” She asked. 

Kyle looked at her in shock, “Um, well I received about a HUNDRED phone calls and texts asking to help find you! You are MIA from the National team right now! Do you know how worried they are!??” Kelley looked at him confused, “What? No, I have to go to camp tomorrow, or next week. I know I have time. I started looking at this site for twin-less twins, you know like me. And they are awesome! After chatting with a few people online I knew I needed to come down here and take care of her apartment finally. I am finally strong enough to go through it and to… to let it go. I know that she will always be with me; I don’t need her things to prove she’ll be with me. I guess I lost track of time.” 

Kyle’s eyes bugged out and scoffed, “Ya damn right you lost track of time. You were supposed to report TWO DAYS ago. They are considering suspending you Kelley. Couldn’t you have picked up the phone! God, did you even think of Hope, or anyone else for that matter?” 

Kelley recoiled at the accusation, “Yes…no…jeeze Kyle, what do you want? You found me, report to them I’m fine. Go away please.” Kelley didn’t need anyone else making her feel disappointed. She had just come to finally recognize the strength in herself to accept Hailey’s death. She was going to be okay, but not if people threw her recovery back in her face for not recovering how they wanted her to. 

Kyle softened at hearing Kelley’s walls going back up. She did look happier, like a weight had finally been lifted off of her. He pulled her in for another hug, “Oh kiddo, I’m taking you with me. Can’t have an AWOL USWNT star out here! Please? I’m sure Hope would like to help you after camp. And Ali and I can too.” He had honestly been scared out of his mind when he received the texts and phone calls. He wasn’t sure what he was walking up to when Hope asked him to check it out. He knew firsthand how depression can be. 

Kelley smiled into his shoulder and blinked back her tears. “Did I really miss two days of camp? Oh my god, I must have scared Hope! Fuck, tell her I’m so sorry!!”

Kyle laughed and pulled them up getting ready to leave, “Yeah, no. I like my life. You can deal with her. Come on, grab what you need, we’ll bring you back after camp, with your people though. Enough of trying to deal with everything yourself. We can help, you just have to let us. ” He let her collect her bags and keys then walked out to his car and they prepared for the road trip up to San Fran. 

“Oh boy, what did I get myself into,” thought Kelley. 

Kyle put his phone on speaker and dialed Ali’s number. He was scared to call the keeper directly. So he went the safe route. “Hi bb! What’s wrong? Did you find her? Why are you calling me? Oh god…what…” Both heard the thick emotion in Ali’s voice wavering on terrified. Kelley felt absolutely worthless for putting her teammate through that again. She was about to answer her when Hope’s voice came through in the background, “Ali! Who is it? Is it Kelley?” Hope’s voice sounded the same if not more frantic, Kelley couldn’t believe she had done this to Hope again. Ali spoke again, “No its Kyle, here I’ll put it on speaker, Ok Ky, ready.” 

Kelley leaned close to the phone, “Actually it’s Kelley. Ali, Hope I am so, so, so, so sorry!! I completely lost track of time. I found something that really helped me and before I knew it I was ten hours away and apparently two days missing from camp. I am so sorry!!” 

Silence. 

Ali was holding onto Hope who had collapsed against her. She hadn’t realized how much fear she was actually carrying and hearing Kelley’s voice again made her overwhelmed, her legs gave out and she was struggling to breathe. Hope was dry crying/sobbing, when Ashlyn came up and pulled her out of Ali’s lap and wrapped her up tight. Hope held onto the strong embrace for a few moments, before patting Ashlyn’s shoulder, “I’m alright, thank you. I’m alright.” She sat back down next to Ali with the assistance from Ash, and spoke, “Kelley? Did you take care of what you needed to in LA?” Hope’s voice was measured, not wanting to share anything to her teammates if Kelley didn’t want that. 

Kelley answered strongly back, “Yes I did. Well kind of. I actually need your help and also Ali and Ashlyn’s if they wouldn’t mind. Would you guys please help me pack up Hailey’s apartment once and for all?” 

Hope, Ali, and Ashlyn immediately said “YES!” They would do anything to help the youngster out. 

Kyle spoke up and told the three that they would be there around supper time. They had a few hours’ drive yet, and thought it would be best if they talked more in person. 

\--  
Hope’s cell phone rang during team dinner; she knocked over her water glass trying to pick it up. She breathed a sigh of relief as did the team when they saw their relaxed keeper, they knew that meant Kelley was on the premises and close to coming in. Hope then excused herself from the table to go speak with Kelley and give her a stern warning not to ever freak her out again, and also to hug the little defender to death.


	7. Kelley found it

Kyle pulls up to the practice fields ready to drop off one AWOL Kelley O’Hara. Kelley puts her hand to the door handle, then pauses, turns and gives Kyle a huge hug, in which she grips him tightly. “Thank you Kyle, for checking on me and bringing me up here. I really appreciate it. This was a great chat, I’m truly thankful that a teammate has a brother like you, so willing to help out a friend.” 

He hugs her hard back, “Anytime Kelley! A friend of Ali’s is a friend of mine. Now go kick some ass and get yourself on the team girl! They have been missing you!” Kelley nods her head and walks off to join the team once and for all. 

Before she can cross the gate strong arms wrap her up in the tightest hug she’s ever received. She hears Hope talking quickly but can’t understand much of it besides, “I love you so much Kelley. Don’t ever leave me again. I need you.” Kelley held on just as strongly and rubbed her hands up and down Hope’s back whispering, “I’m sorry, I won’t. I’m here now; I finally feel I’m back in the present. I love you so much too Hope.” 

Kelley pulled her head back to look at Hope; she could see how the past months have taken a toll on her. She cupped Hope’s face in her hands, “Thank you for everything you’ve done. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. I’m grateful, and I love you.” She connected their lips. They kissed for what felt like hours reconnecting and feeling whole again. In reality it was about five minutes and anyone that had seen could tell that it was a private moment between two people who loved each other deeply. 

The women pulled back tears falling down their cheeks. Hope again pulled Kelley close and whispered, “I’m glad you’re here. You are my life. I know it’s been a struggle, but I can tell that you are reaching a level of livable acceptance. I also know a bunch of women who would love to help assist you in that. Kelley, we were really worried. Please don’t leave me, us out of the loop again!” Hope buried her face into the side of Kelley’s neck. She tried to focus on her breathing so she wouldn’t bawl again. 

Kelley stroked her back calming the keeper down. She didn’t say anything until she knew Hope was ready to listen, “I love you Hope. How about we walk in and see how much trouble my AWOL behind is.” Hope grinned, “Yeah that was a first. I don’t think you’ll be in too much trouble though, we are all just so happy you’re back with the team.” Hope held Kelley around the shoulders and guided her in to practice. 

\--

The reunion with the team is exactly what you think it was. Once they caught sight of Kelley they ignored Jill’s speech and went running to engulf the defender in hugs and kisses. After the explosions of emotion, Kelley sheepishly went up to Jill and asked for a meeting. Jill nodded and gathered the staff calling practice for the day since everyone was all too happy and excited to be all together again. 

After talking with the coaches, who waived off her apologies and promises to make up the missed time, she rejoined the team at dinner and answered any questions they had for her. 

\--

A year and a half later they are in the Algarve the night before their championship match. Kelley felt an intense need to walk alone and get away. She followed the old route that she and Hailey used to take to the beach. It was beautiful and the setting sun always had a way of drawing her closer to her feelings. It was as calming as it was overwhelming. How could something be so beautiful? How can there be incredible highs and lows in life? Why were certain people given the tough challenges and others just got to ride out life on the easy track? 

Kelley picked up a few stones and skipped them in to the calm water. She waded through the water when something caught her eye. She splashed down into the water on her hands and knees, berating herself for upsetting the sand underneath. When it cleared and she saw the silvery flash she gasped. She picked up the object and held it out in front of her. She couldn’t breathe. Kelley couldn’t believe it. Huge tears started cascading down her cheeks. She clutched it to her chest and sat back in the sand. She couldn’t stop her tears now and sobbed. 

Ashlyn and Ali had been taking their nightly stroll when they heard the sobs of a woman on the beach. They ventured over, and then ran when they realized it was Kelley. Ali put her arm on Ashlyn’s, “perhaps we should give her a minute? Maybe…” But Ashlyn knew that those kinds of sobs don’t need a minute, they need assurance and someone to lean on. She and Ali sat down next to Kelley and scooped her up in their arms. Kelley soon relaxed in the arms of her teammates. “How does she keep doing this to me?” Kelley whispered out in the open. Ash and Ali shared a confused look over her head. 

Ali pushed her on, “Kelley, honey, what do you mean?” Kelley opened her hands and dangled a necklace between her fingers. Both women gasped, “Is that…how did you…” Kelley nodded and smiled slightly turning to look at her teammates. “Yeah, it’s the necklace she lost after our first Algarve Cup, when the team realized what firecrackers they just added. Ali laughed, “Oh my gosh, this is amazing! I actually remember that night. Hailey was my roommate and she was so distraught! She didn’t want you to know she’d lost it because of how much it meant to the both of you.” 

Kelley smiled wider and sighed happily, “Yeah our Grandpa gave us this necklace when we were at odds with each other and our careers. He always repeated this quote and we never truly understood until he explained that we would always be twins, but it was up to us to decide whether we wanted to be teammates and to be there for each other in life. I can’t believe it, and look it’s still clean enough to see the etching, ‘twins forever - Kell’ and it matches look.” Kelley pulled the other half of the soccer ball necklace out from her shirt and fit the pieces together so that it read, ‘Teammates 4 life – Hails, Twins forever – Kell’” 

Kelley grabbed Ash and Ali in a crushing hug, “it’s like she knows when I need a pick me up and all of sudden this appeared! I can’t believe I found this! It’s been so many years! What are the odds!!” 

Ash and Ali wondered the same thing. It was absolutely wonderful that Kelley had this moment and a piece of her life back, anything to give her that closeness to her twin again.

\--

Three years later and Kelley is playing the best soccer of her life. She comes off the bench in a critical game against Germany and ends up scoring. It was a euphoric moment, one in which she clasped her hands together and prayed to the heavens. When she looked up through her tears, she swore she saw a cloud wink at her. She smiled the brightest smiled anyone had seen in years and finished the game out that way. No one could curtail her high. 

The whistle sounded and she was engulfed by her teammates, everyone so happy for her. All she wanted was a hug from one person though and relaxed as soon as she felt the strong keeper arms of Hope wrap her up. She whispered into her ear, “I can’t believe Hailey was with me today!” 

Hope turned Kelley around in her grasp, “What do you mean? She’s with you every day, you know that.” Hope tapped Kelley’s chest where the soccer necklace that she had fused together rested. 

Kelley shook her head, “No, I mean I truly believe that she was watching me today, from heaven. I saw a wink in the heavens and it had to be her! How else could a cloud wink at you?” Hope just laughed and pulled Kelley in tighter, “That’s awesome, I’m glad she’s still with you and you see her signs. She would have been so proud of you today. I sure am!” 

\--  
From then on, Kelley felt that she for sure was never alone. She never took those signs for granted when she saw them. She always felt content with the knowledge that she wasn’t alone. She continued speaking with others in her situation and being a resource for others. She wasn’t just living out her dream anymore, she was living out both hers and Hailey’s and it couldn’t be better. 

“Twins forever, Teammates for life” 

End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and following along on this journey! I know it was sad and different. Thanks for the kudos and comments! I'll be finishing up Thanksgiving Dates soon and I'm working on a new work, but that has no timetable.  
> Until then enjoy the works of the many talented writers out there. Peace!


End file.
